I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
