Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
