porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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