a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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