sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
