HIV tests are more positive than that guy
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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