just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
