So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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