Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sponge bath it is.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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