ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Enjoy the penises
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
