I just made out with a guy for $7.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
