you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
