put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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