My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
