apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
