she was so not down for the gang bang
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
