She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
