I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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