This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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