final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
