Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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