He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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