I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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