I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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