I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
