I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
