im about as happy as oj after his trial
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
