Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
