Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
