Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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