Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just pee around me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
