he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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