so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
