do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
