Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
