speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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