Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
