Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Actions speak louder than pants.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
