I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
