Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
