it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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