I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
