you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
