In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
