Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
