I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
