Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
