I look better un-naked...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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