Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
