last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
honey bunches of taint.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
