He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
