Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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