Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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