Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
